Things have been going well so far. I am still afraid to weigh myself; one more reminder of how wrong my thinking has become. I had a mini panic attack the other day. I had planned on consuming 500 calories or less, but my friends (whom I haven't seen for nearly a year) suggested we go out to Cold Stone for dessert and girl talk. I was okay with that, telling myself that I would just get a kid's sized single flavor with sprinkles. Then, of course, mom made cheeseburgers for lunch again (400 cal) after I had eaten homemade oatmeal for breakfast (100 cal). Fearful, I decided to look up the calories of Cold Stone ice cream. There wasn't a single item on the menu that was less that 300 calories! I panicked. My stomach clenched, my sight became narrowed, and I suddenly wanted to fake being sick so I wouldn't have to go. I went any way. But it got worse: between the three of us, we shared four "Love It" sized servings (it was college night "2 for $5 Love It" special). I failed so miserably. Even thinking about it now makes me want to throw up anything that I have ingested today.
But I can't focus on the past so much. My stomach is growling and I love it. So far, I have had 12 dark chocolate (powder, not dipped) almonds (80 cal). This morning I got up around 7:00 and went to the basement to work out. I completed four circuits of cardio from the Insanity Workout ( I got the idea from the Self magazine website
here). I also did seven intense minutes of abs. By the end of the twenty-five minutes, I was pouring sweat. I didn't have enough time to do my weight training on the Bowflex, but tomorrow I will. Theoretically, I should be also to just count off the calories I burned, but 1) I don't actually know how many nor how to calculate them, and 2) I will eat less believing that I haven't burned anything off.
Speaking of burns....I have second degree sunburn on my lower breasts. I was an idiot and took a fantastic book outside to read for half an hour without putting on sunscreen. Before I realized it, two whole hours had passed. It's been about a week and a half since that happened and I can finally sleep on my stomach without severe pain. Needless to say, I will now be content to be pale for the rest of my life so long as I never have to have a bad sunburn like this again.
To keep some brevity, I shall bid you lovelies adieu. Stay strong and be beautiful!
xo Violet
1 comment:
i swear friend hang outs always involve food, gives me cold sweats haha. i always find preparing before hand helps, like only drinking water all day and eating some fruit so i don't have to worry about the amount of calories consumed on the night. good luck, sounds like its only the beginning and thats always the hardest! xo
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