It's been another year of ups and downs- a whirlwind of imperfection and desperation.
I tried to push ana away and embrace myself, curves and all. It worked for a little while...and then I went up another jeans size and began fearing the warm weather that winter suddenly brought with it.
My friends tried an "intervention" with me during my embrace-myself time. You'd think that they'd have the common sense to know that I was definitely not starving myself during that period. They had a meeting with my Resident Director. It was embarrassing. It made me want to start starving once more.
But that didn't work. Finals came, and with stress came the need for more coffee. With the need for more coffee came calorie-loaded drinks with triple shots of espresso. With those calorie-loaded drinks came another five pounds and size medium t-shirts.
I'm embarrassed to say the weight that my short frame now carries. I don't think I have the courage to post it quite yet. But I can promise that this is a new beginning.When August comes around again and I head back to campus, I will no longer be the shy girl who walked with her head down and was noticed by no one. I won't be the automatic friend-zone. I will turn heads. I will have an opinion that is clearly heard. I will finally be the me that I feel is hidden deep within the confines of my fatten stomach. I refuse to be held back any longer.
I'm finally back, dear ones, and I don't think I'll be leaving any time soon.