Thursday, May 26, 2011
Happy Little Feet
I've had my ups and downs the past few days. I didn't do so hot on the ABC...after the 3rd day, I binged like crazy and it was really terrible. So for a while I got into a "normal" eating pattern and nearly lost all the progress I had made. In my family, eating is a social event in which we all gather around the table and "bond". This occurs pretty much every meal. So for nearly a week, I couldn't skip a single meal. I felt terrible and bloated.
But now things are getting oh so much better. I got hired at a daycare/education center and now work with kids ages 3-10 years. It's really quite fun. But what makes it even more wonderful is my work schedule: 11am to 6pm every day. Usually, during the summer we pretty much eat seperate breakfasts...on the rare occasion my mum makes a big breakfast of scrambled eggs or something, but who doesn't need a little bit of protein every ones in a while? So that makes for a very easy meal to skip. I usually leave the house around 10:45am, which is far too early to eat lunch, making another skipped meal on my list. If I feel like I need a ton of energy or it's a high-calorie-intake-day, then I grab a granola bar when my mum is in the kitchen so it seems as though I'm at least snacking. I hate appearing like a pig in front of my family, but I know the facade of eating a lot will pay off in the long run when they start (if they start) questioning my weight loss. Around 11:30, the kids usually sit down to eat. Most days it's something really disgusting that I wouldn't want any time of day. So I usually sit with them and nibble on the day's veggie (I don't count veggies for my intake). By the time I get home around 6pm, my intake hovers between 0 and 100 calories. Not bad, eh?
Today was a 700 cal day. Truthfully, I was planning on between 500 and 600, but instead of having healthy (ish) home made grilled hamburgers, we had pizza. I caved a bit. There's something about uber thin crust pizza that makes me want to binge like crazy. I'm sure there's less calories than normal pizza, but I still counted them as the usual calorie level of pizza. Despite my goal being broken, overall it wasn't a bad day.
I haven't weighed myself in ages. Truthfully, I'm really just a coward. In my mind, I'm going to be down to at least 145 lbs (last weight was 158 lbs) before I get on that scale, but I don't think I should wait that long. My set date for a weigh in is the morning of Saturday, June 4th. I can't afford to put it off any longer. My jeans are getting looser, especially in the legs now, which is fantastic news (I hate how fat/huge/absolutely disgusting my legs have become). Shirts that were too tight before and showed off rolls of back fat, now are a bit flattering to my figure. I'm starting to look in the mirror more before I step into the shower and in return for my courage, it shows me a stomach with fewer rolls, breasts that don't sag with the weight of excess fat, and an overall new tone to the rest of my body. Or maybe all of this is just in my imagination....
I'm having a boy over tonight. He's just a friend really. He's sweet, funny, loves the same movies I do, and is an overall nice guy. Bonus: he's pretty good looking. His name is BJ. We're just getting together to have a "Firefly" marathon. I'm really excited. A bit nervous though...we've only hung out in groups before. And mum was very kind the other day to point out that I am the only relative on both sides of the family that is not in a relationship or married. Great. No pressure, right, mum? Truthfully, I am content being friends, but I would certainly be happy if it turned into something more. But I'm not going to ruin anything by pursusing him. Besides, I'm old fashioned and want the boy to chase me. We'll just have to wait and see I guess. Perhaps love will find me, if not now then someday in a future much skinnier than the present.