Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The "S" Words

There are two of them really, or at least two that I am currently thinking of. Want to know what they are? We'll get to that in a bit.
I've definitely been going through reasons why I'm trying to lose so much weight. For one, I'm craving that confiendence that is stored so deeply within my layers of fat that I simply must shed them all in order to uncover it once more. However, that is a "c" word, so we're not there with.
Relationships. Well, let's just say I really haven't had more than rediculous high school freshmen type "love" and a summer fling with a guy that I really just loved as a friend. I think my problem goes back to being not confident enough and never thinking that a guy could actually like me. Sure, I do allow myself to have the occasional fantasy that some incredibly attractive man is giving me a good, sexy look over. There is this one guy in Best Buy that I've made this sexy sort of eye contact with on several different visits. I'm sure he's just looking around the room, but I endure these illusions of gradeur anyway. Besides, he's incredibly attractive: perfect facial hair that doesn't give off the yeah-I'm-a-douche vibe, honest eyes, and very muscular.
Now this leads to the "s" that you've all been waiting for (doubtful, yes, but again...grandeur).
I haven't done it. I'm twenty years old and I have yet to be with a guy in that manner. Sure, maybe it's something that I should be proud of since much of America seems to encourage nonsensical shows like "Teen Mom" that idolize horrid parenting by teenagers (my apologies if any of you like the show, or even have similar circumstances...no judgment here, promise!).
But I want it.
Which leads me to my goal and other "s" word: skinny. Despite how much I want it, I don't think I would have the courage to allow any garments to be removed without my body being the way I want it to be: skinny.
And so I continue to get up at rediculous hours...okay for summer, 7:00am is qualified as such...to work out excessively.
Thus, it is possible that one of my resulting goals is that I am working out for sex.
Interesting proposition, no? I think my dear Mr. Freud would be so proud. Another part of me hopes that attractive Best Buy man would be willing....

xo, Violet


Cammie said...

I lost my virginity kind of late (?) too by American standards.
Legit, when I told my friends that I was still a virgin in high school they reacted like, "Well what's wrong with you?" like virginity was a fucking disease that needed to be eradicated immediately lol

Anyway, I lost it to my boyfriend last year and I have to say, it would be a completely horrible experience if I'd done it with someone I didn't love.
So don't rush it. :)

Also, I haven't read a whole lot of your blog yet but that's what I'll be doing now instead of writing my term paper!

Violet said...

You're right, Cammie, it is important to finally do the "deed" with somebody you truly love and want to spent a copious amount of time with simply staring at one another in utter happiness :) I blame the lovely Nora Roberts for my occassional fantasties ;)

I am honored that you are spending time reading my blog instead of writing a term paper...I most certainly know how those things go! I hope you do a loverly job of the writing though and that I provide a fine distraction when needed :)

jackie said...

i love this- it's what we all think, but said so well and in such a relatable tone. love your blog <3