Begin Again

I'm back, and this time it's for good.
I love my friends dearly, but they don't understand what it's like to be this fat.
I can't look in the mirror anymore- it's just so hard to do. I've only been trying to be "normal" for two weeks now, but I've gained at least 10 pounds. That's just pathetic and disgusting. All the foods I had been avoiding came parading into my stomach until my thighs rounded out and my stomach swelled. I can't see my collar bones and my cheek bones are no longer defined, but hidden under a fresh layer of fat.
I can't even describe how disgusting I feel.
I'm ready to begin once more. I bought more "SlimQuick" the other day at Wal-Mart. I know pills are "weak", but I need some help this time. They're the type with Hoodia in them, which will reduce my appetite. I plan to tell my friends that my doctor has put me on a liquid diet again because I am having too much inflammation again.
I'm going to work out at the fitness center for a half hour or more every day. I need to start with baby steps, but I hope to begin running soon on my own. I hate to run, but I know it will make me so much thinner.

Thank you to all that have stuck with me during this time. I even gained 4 new readers during my absence! Thank you all so much. You all mean the world to me and help me get by every day.
I'll post again tomorrow.
And the next day.
And the next.
I won't leave you all ever again.

Stay strong and begin anew.

Much love, Violet.

Once Upon a Time....

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was fat.....me.

One day, the girl came to the realization......

that there really was a thin girl living inside of her,

She was just stiffled by cookies, junk food, and sweatshirts.

In the middle of the night, a lovely, thin woman appeared to her....Ana.

The two worked together to make the girl thin and pretty.

Food became the enemy.

Count the calories.

Purge the excess.

Run.

Starve.

Starve.

Starve.

That was it. 

That was all the girl wanted.

But of course, not everyone could see that the girl was right.

She was convinced to eat.

She ate and ate and ate.

Chips.

Cookies.

Soda.

Pimples.

Fat.

Loser.

Back to the beginning.

She was fat again, a build-up of space.

Disgusting.

.......

Erase.

My.

Name.

Erase.

My.

Curves.

Erase.

My. 

Flaws.

I.

Will.

Be.

Thin.

Again.

Don't Get Lost

I'm coming back again. This "recovery" thing I can't handle right now. I don't know if I even want to try it again.

Wait for me.

Love, Violet