Day 32- Hide and Seek

I saw Ana at the store today. She appeared as a girl my age. Some many have called her a skeleton, a shadow, or too thin, but I call her perfection. I wanted to be her in every sense possible. She didn't smile, but she was so beautiful. Envy is not a very redeeming quality and yet I envied her so much. I wanted her obvious control and the waif body of a model. I saw Ana and she called my name.

I will follow Ana.

I have been slacking though. I figured working at the store for 5 hours doing shelves would burn enough calories that I wouldn't have to worry about my intake. I ate nearly 1,000 calories yesterday and probably the same today. I feel gluttonous and pathetic.

I have failed to exercise or skip lunch like I have planned. Ugh. There are days during which I want to give up and yet I can't possibly give up Ana. She whispers in my ear like a close friend, egging me onward. I crave that whisper, that ache in my stomach. When I don't have that feeling, the I feel terrible. I haven't felt empty in so long that I don't even feel like I can be perfect. I need Ana. She's waiting for me. Waiting for me to join the ranks of the Winter Girls, and oh, how I want to go.

I will make it there.