Better day today. Though the bloating is really killing me. Instead of feeling shitty all day and purging at the end, I gave in a bit to my temptations and ended up eating around 725 calories. Not bad for PMS- bloating, moody, extreme chocolate cravings. I drank my tea and took a mydol.I'm weighing myself tomorrow. I know I'm over 136 lbs again, but I can live with that for now. I'm tired of beating myself up over it. I know I can make my goal's deadline- 21 more days and counting down.
And I have finally found the balls to admit something. I am lazy. Of course I wanted this to be easy. I wanted to resist food and take a magic pill and watch the pounds drop off. Life doesn't happen that way. I need to work harder. I'm going to start to focus more on cardio. Running all the way to the mail box and back was a good start (loooong driveway). I think I may have to buy a gym membership, or even drive 35 minutes to the most amazing gym ever at the local college (super nice!). We'll see what happens there. One of my good friends who is a lifeguard is starting some nighttime aerobics classes at the pool. I am definitely in for that! The classes start the 14th and I intend to lose 3 to 5 lbs by then to look slightly less disgusting. (slightly)I find that drawing on myself is such a good motivator. I write all the names I have called myself of have been called. I use a red sharpie. It looks like blood and somehow it makes me think of who I really want to be. I am beautiful on the inside, but I haven't been strong enough to be beautiful both in and out. I can do it.
Your mind is your ultimate weapon to harness control. You are the only person who can make you be perfect. THIN.
1 comment:
amen to that :)
my parents discovered my blog. :(
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