Well, the past three days have been rather shitty, especially intake wise. I've been feeling so damn dizzy and low on energy that I have eaten far more than I care to post, though I have stayed under 1000 calories per day (surprised? I am.). I don't know why I feel so sucky. I was dizzy and freaked out, turning to food to give me more energy.
Went to the doctor for my yearly thyroid exam (add Hashimoto's Disease to my list of medical ailments). I had a resident examine me first. She decided to say aloud my BMI, weight, height, and percentile ranges for the three to my mother. Not me, my fricking mum! I was so embarrassed and fucking angry enough to kill. The damn scale said I weighed 138.1 lbs and my BMI was 25.1. FUCK THAT! I know what I fucking weigh and what my BMI is and she is definitely wrong and the damn people making those charts don't account that the patients might actually be wearing clothes on the scale and have drank at least a pound of water (I do drink that much). Fuck! And then she continued to ask why I was losing weight. I about cussed her out, but she was just trying to be a nice resident and pass her boards so I held my tongue. The real doctor then came in, asked the same question about why I was trying to lose weight, and how I was doing it. Ugh! It's like they warn me of my large BMI then make losing weight out to be a bad thing. Fuck them! America has become way to accepting of obesity and walking whales.
So that put me in a shitty mood for the day. I keep feeling like I'm going to get my stupid period too. I'm bloated and my boobs are huge and ache a bit (sorry for that too much bit of info and disgusting image). Ugh. So I feel like crap, I'm exhausted still, and breaking out on my forehead.
Could things get worse?
Yep. I'm leaving for my NYC/ Bermuda trip tomorrow and I am nowhere near 120 lbs, not to mention I am currently moody, possibly PMSing, aching, tired, dizzy, and just overall fat.
I need to figure out what my intake should be. Keeping it under 500 calories scares me a bit, especially because it would be easy to go over and gain weight. Should I keep it around 800 calories and make sure to exercise a lot? I'm so scared I'm going to gain even more weight!
I'll try to keep in touch over the next 10 days. I can't bring my laptop on this trip, so I'll be forced to use the hotel and cruise ship computers. Hopefully there's no user fees. I'll post as much as possible.
On a lighter note, all of my new clothes I bought today were mediums, size 5, and waist size 28 (I think that's a 5?). So I feel a bit better when I think of that.
Hope you all are having much better days. Stay strong, my lovely skinny minis- we're in this together and we'll be thin together!
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