It is when I begin to think things like that, that I resort to a nice hard slap to the face via my own hand. I wake up. Permanence is what you make of it. You can be permantently fat or permanently thin. You can either permanently eat whatever shit you want or you can permanently watch every morsel that passes your eager lips. Etcetera etcetera etcetera.
My favorite past time is looking my own genetics in the "eye" and saying "fuck you".
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I'm sorry for being away for so long. College has gotten a bit hectic. I'm done finally on Wednesday, but before I can drive off into the methaphorical sunset, I have to get through two finals, two papers, and a speech. Not bad, but still frustrating enough to keep my nose in the books and my fingers away from the keyboard.
I'm getting better, darlings. Not in the recovery sense, but in the fact that I have now placed a door mat welcoming Ana back into my life. I'm down to pretty much one meal a day: supper. There's plenty of places to find that either don't allow food or don't have any. For the first time all semester, I have spent hours in the confines of the cushioned couches of the library.
I love the feeling of hunger seeping in and I love the way my stomach growls as I imagine it shrinking in the process. I'm eating just enough to focus on my studies, which often is far more than what I would like to ingest. I can tell this summer will be a good time for weight loss. There will be no one to invite me to dinner and I can spend most of the day working.
I'm sorry this isn't as good of an update as you all deserve, but it is the best I can give right now. I'm trying to finish that stupid paper tonight and maybe create a study guide for one class. Wish me luck, darlings! I shall give you a much better post on Thursday.
All my love,
Violet
5 comments:
glad you're back :) and yeah the library helps me keep intake low
glad school is almost over for u
sometimes genetics is more about making different choices than the rest of your family than your body shape being set in stone. I look different from the rest of my family. some people are morbidly obese. I choose to say F u genetics too!
~ H
It's good to see your back, though I haven't done much reading, but I plan on keeping up once you post in your free time once school is over.
I'm in your situation, pretty much. I've been trying to be healthier, but i feel like when I do, I lose all hope. It was so much easier when I just wasn't eating. I felt more accomplished, I wasn't always beating myself up.
So good luck to both of us then? Can't wait to see how things turn out for you. :)
Haha, this post was awesome! :)
You are an inspiration, Violet, you really are. :)
Best of luck with all of your studies; I know you will be just fine.
Hang in there and stay strong love! <3
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