Hello, ladies! It's been a while, but I am finally back home and all settled in. Finals went pretty well. Of course, the exam I thought I failed, I aced, whereas the exam I thought I aced turned out to be a 76%. Oh well, that's how life goes sometimes, isn't it? Overall, 3 As, 1 A- (hopefully participation grade and extra credit will bump it up to a solid A), and 1 B. Not bad for my second semester of college. But I am glad to be home again.Before I start, I should probably say that I really really do love my mum. We have our arguments here and there, but we pretty much get along about everything....except weight. That is where we come into the most conflicts. I know she just wants her daughter to find love and happiness in the world. She just forgot that it is just as good to find love and happiness in one's self as well. I love her, but she really messed me up. I haven't gone a single day since 6th grade that I haven't thought about my weight or going on a diet. Most mothers tell daughters to love themselves just the way you are....my mum laughed when I told her that's what I wanted to be able to do.
But anyway, mum has lost weight. Mind you, she's still much heavier than me. Still, I couldn't help but be jealous of her weightloss, especially when I mentioned she had lost weight and she said nothing to me (I know I've lost weight already, I can see it in pictures between Easter and Mother's Day). So mum came up with this "brilliant" plan to basically pay me to lose weight. Great, huh? I haven't quite determined if I'm happy or just peeved that she wants to pay me money. She's trying to lose weight too. The vain part of me refuses to let her see my weight until I'm around the 140 marker again, but for now I'll create my own little weightloss chart to show her once I've lost quite a bit (who knows...maybe she'll still pay me!). A little extra coin can go a long way for a college student. So basically, we're competing to see who can become the thinnest/lose the most weight. It's almost amusing to try to out-health each other when it comes to eating. Of coruse she doesn't realize that I don't eat breakfast and eat very little for lunch. Or maybe she just doesn't care.
It's just a hunch, but I'm pretty sure my mom was anorexic at some point in her life or might even be now. For some reason, I don't think it would suprise me. All of her actions towards her own body and mine would definitely be more understandable. I just hope I never ever act like this towards my daughters some day. My mum raised me wonderfully in everything else except in issues of body image and the like.
So other news. I decided to start ABC diet again. This is definitely going to be my summer for change! Today went wonderfully (500 cal or less day). I had a granola bar (90), light frappe from Starbucks (160), and a small pita from the great Pita Pit (250). Not bad, not bad. I had this weird feeling of fear when I was looking for the ABC diet outline on the web. I was just suddenly afraid of how dangerous it could be. But then I remembered that being overweight is dangerous too. Plus, I'd rather die of thinness than obesity...as morbid as a preference of death is.
Well, sorry for my lack of brevity darlings. My thoughts are feeling a bit scattered today. I have an interview for a job at a daycare on Thursday. Not a fantastic job by any means, but compared to my other options of the grocery store or the bar (mum wouldn't allow me to be around alcohol anyway), it looks pretty dang good. So shoot me a bit of luck. I'm contemplating whether or not to take two online classes this summer. Decisions decisions....
Tonight, I'm just going to relax and sip my tea....maybe watch a new episode of Firefly.
4 comments:
Very interesting indeed.
My mom and I are the same way.
She is always making comments about how I need to lose weight and things.
So now we are in competition since I have lost about 30 pounds or so and my mom has gotten heavier.
She is so jealous, it is kind of amusing, really.
She always makes cracks about anorexia around me.
If only she knew... :\
Anyway, best of luck to you! :)
Hang in there, love. <3
My mom's never been harsh about my weight. She's never said I was fat, but there were times where she always told me I was too thin. That was a while ago though, when I was much smaller. But she's constantly been on a weight loss journey too. She recently lost about 15 pounds, and all she was eating was dinner. Is it wrong for me to be jealous, and to even get a little competitive to? My mom doesn't know about my envy though...
Hopefully though, she'll be the envious one soon, when I start losing again.
Good luck to you!
my mom is jsut werid sometims its like u need to lsoe weight stpo eating another times its u got to eat dani ugh enough mind fuckery please
glad ur second semester of college is over
MY mom has constantly told me I'm huge and fat and it's disheartening. She also once offered to pay me to lose weight a few years back, how awesome is that? If only I had been oppurtunistic, I could have made some money ;)
My mom had anorexia and didn't eat for around a year and a half (7 months of which she was pregnant with my sister) and is 50kg or lower. SO i'm the heavier one, bleh!
YOu're doing so well at college, yay for you!
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