A Logical Addiction

Something has changed within me....

Wow, that sounds like a cheesy song lyric! (actually, I think it might be from "Wicked"...not entirely sure). But anyway, I figured it was about time I gave you all an update on my progress- especially since I have three new followers...thank you, I am so honored!

I've been going to the gym for an hour every day since Thursday of last week. I think I have found my perfect addiction. It used to be that I hated going to the gym and could hardly ever stick with it, let alone get on the stair master for 30 minutes. But here I am, going twice a day, burning 600 calories, and still finding energy to complete my school work! I was up before the sun today, working at the gym for an hour, and then went again for another hour after classes were over. I usually do a half hour on the stair master each time, followed by a half hour of weight lifting and ab exercises. I feel really great and am beginning to see a difference in the way my clothes are fitting.

I think I figured out the secret to sticking with this new plan- zero emotions. I have accepted that I am a complete blob and am totally uncomfortable with my body. I'm done imagining that if I just quit eating the weight will come off in just a month. I know it takes work and a hell of a lot more dedication than I have ever had before. I look in the mirror now and see the fat, but I also see change. Instead of crying and avoiding the mirror, I take a good long look then head to the gym and stop only once for water. I've taken the emotion out of dieting, except for the thrill of feeling the burn in all my muscles and seeing my body slowly tightening. Without emotion, I don't feel the urge to binge after an unhappy day, or even eat at all for that matter. I still do eat three meals a day, but I find I crave oatmeal, veggies, and cereal. I have found a control that I didn't think existed. And I am in love with it.

Now that I have the gym as a part of my every day activity, I need to focus more on restricting. First, I will just eat two meals a day for a while, then slowly work my way down to just eating dinner (which is the only time my friends see me eat). I'm not afraid now of taking food away. Call it stupid, call it naive, but I do not fear bingeing as much as before. The gym has become my food now. It gives me more energy than soda, banana bread, or cookies ever have.

Maybe it's just the energy high from my workout I'm feeling that is putting me in such a good mood. But the thing is, I worked out about 7 hours ago...does a high really last that long? Maybe, just maybe, this feeling is here to stay.

Shoot me some luck darling Skinnys!