Dear Cupid, Die.

So college is supposed to be a time of coming out of your shell. I think I'm beginning to, but I don't know if it's actually working. I went with a bunch of girls on my wing to speed dating. There were probably 100 people there (which I suppose isn't that much considering campus is nearly 2,000 students, but whatever). Usually I think you're supposed to have 3 minutes per date, but the supervisor shortened it to just a minute. Definitely not enough time to see if you click with someone and then possibly ask for a number or remember a name.

Part of me...the dreamer....would like to think that of all of those guys there, I clicked with at least five. Some were really sweet and funny (others not so much, but we won't get into that!). Checked my email, Facebook, whatever...annnd......a big fat load of nothing. No numbers, friend requests, emails. Wow. I must be an epic fail of ugly fatness. I think I am learning very quickly not to get my hopes up.

I listened to Ana's whispers last night. If only I was thinner, If only I had better clothes. If only my cheeks weren't so big when I smiled. If only I was smart enough to come up with witty things to say. If only my hair was perfect. If only. If only. If only.

Other than speed dating, I did really well yesterday in controlling my eating. I only had supper last night (yes, I said I would fast, but my bestie invited me to go with her and we hadn't hung out in a long time). I had a crispy chicken wrap (300) and a cookie (150) for a grand total of 450 calories yesterday (probably overestimating too). I feel really really good today. Stronger. More determined. I don't think it will be as hard to come back this time.

I've really missed you all. So much more than even I could imagine. 

Much Love, 

Violet